


I'm Lost Without A Little More Love

by tomarkexists



Category: Blink-182
Genre: M/M, Making Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-27
Updated: 2013-10-27
Packaged: 2017-12-30 14:57:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1020039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomarkexists/pseuds/tomarkexists
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I have lost track of time, but I know it must be starting to get dark outside.  He was deep in thought, playing with his dark messy hair. I chewed on my lip ring, not sure what to do. What are you thinking about? Tell me my friend. Please let me know, I need to know…</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Lost Without A Little More Love

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm reposting all my fan fics on tumblr to here. This is inspired by a remix of I’m Lost Without You and A Little’s Enough and you can find it here : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKGy3Z-7B6g

Dust.

Dust dancing in his room.

So free, so beautiful, so mesmerising.

I hear a sigh coming from his bed. I was sitting on his bedroom floor and we have both stopped talking. The room smelt smoky due to his cigarettes and the shades have been pulled shut. I have lost track of time, but I know it must be starting to get dark outside. He was deep in thought, playing with his dark messy hair. I chewed on my lip ring, not sure what to do. What are you thinking about? Tell me my friend. Please let me know, I need to know…

_I hate my life. My family sucks, I do not have a friend and school can suck my dick. The only thing that has given me any kind of joy for the past few months are my skateboard and my guitar. I do not know what will happen to me if I don’t have them. Probably dead by now._

_A sudden crash came from outside of my room, disturbing my thought. Just as expected, my parents are screaming again. They have been at each other throats for the past few weeks. I am so fucking sick of them. They can’t even look into each other’s eyes any more and now sleep in different rooms. I just want this to be over._

_I hear more shouts and I knew I have to get out of this house before I fucking explode. I grabbed my skateboard and head out of my room. I suddenly crashed into my drunk dad. He glared at me with his bloodshot eyes._

_“You are a fucking useless son, you know that! You are so fucking dumb and rude and you amount to nothing! NOTHING! Because of you, this family is tearing apart, you know that?! You fucking useless piece of shit!” he yelled at me, trying to grab something to throw at me._

_I stormed out of the house quickly and smashed the door behind me._

_I hate them, I fucking hate them. My eyes became hazy and I realised I was on the brink of tears. My dad love putting me to blame for his broken marriage. Sure, I am useless and will be better off dead, but I did not cause his fucking marriage to fall apart. Mum is no better, screaming at me all the time for being completely useless to society. I calmed myself down and started skating away from the hell hole._

_There was a huge truck parked outside the house next to mine. I suddenly remembered the previous family moved out a month ago, bringing their snotty bitch of a daughter with them. Guess I have new neighbours now. I will most probably hate them, anyway. People sucks._

_I stopped right in front of the house and looked around, trying to find out who the new people are. Suddenly, someone tapped me on the shoulders. I turned around and was immediately greeted by blue eyes._

_“Hi,” his eyes were the deepest blue, like the clearest sky._

_Oh fuck._

A cough interrupted my memory. That was nearly 6 months ago, when I found him. He basically turned my life upside down. We started hanging out, go skateboarding together and I laughed at him when he fell off his board. We jam together, me with my shitty guitar and him with his equally shitty bass. We do everything together, though he is 4 years older than me. He is the only person who I trust enough to share my innermost thoughts, my fears, my demons. And I think he feels the same way about me too. Without him, I don’t feel complete. It is like he is the missing jigsaw piece of my life and I am so fucking glad I found him.

Fuck, that sounds so gay.

And yet, I am not sure what my feelings are for him. I love him, that’s no doubt. But I don’t know whether I love him just as a best friend, or more than that. I am not gay… I think. I don’t even know. I haven’t had a lot of experience with girls. All I know is that he is completely straight, and that pains me more that it should.

I realised that he was staring at me. Not staring at me, but staring at my face. Do I have something on my face? Fuck, I hate being insecure. I hated how I looked. My face is completely boring, brown hair, brown eyes. I am tall, but it doesn’t suit me because I am skinny and lanky. The only thing I liked about myself is the little piece of metal attached to my lip.

He, however, is completely the opposite of me. Dark sexy messy hair, bright blue eyes that could melt you down to the ground, and his smile is so expressive, so much life in them. I don’t even know why he wants to hang around with an ugly fuck like me.

"Is there something on my face, asshole or do you just want to make out with this sexy beast already?" I tried to make a pathetic joke so that this uncomfortable awkward silence stop.

That’s how I protect myself. Jokes. Really bad jokes.

“Tom, what are you afraid of?” his voice barely audible.

His question startled me. Usually we talk about dicks and tits and who fucked whose mum first. But his question sounds serious. I looked at his face, trying to read it. Oh, what a beautiful face. It is nearly torture for me to look at his face. I sighed.

“Err… I don’t know, being alone I guess,” I replied quickly.

“Why?” his eyebrows raised at my reply.

“Errr … I don’t know man. My parents’ divorce made me realised how scared I am of being alone. My mum is so fucked up right now, man. I think she regrets everything and I don’t want to be in that position, I guess…” I whispered.

The words flow out of my mouth easily because it is him. Only him.

“But you are not alone. You have me here,” he smiled weakly at me and I can feel my whole body giving in to him. Just that smile can destroy me.

“Why are you asking me this question right now, Hoppus?” I started becoming defensive, bringing up those walls I build.

Truth to be told, I am afraid of letting him in. I am afraid that he will completely tear me apart. I am afraid of telling him about my feelings, about how lonely I feel, about how I think I am better off dead.

I am afraid he will leave me just like what my family did to me.

“I don’t know, your smile has been gone for weeks.”

“What do you mean dickhead? I smiled plenty of times before, look I am smiling right now!” I flashed a quick grin.

“No, it’s just that, when you smile, you looked sad. Do you want to tell me what’s wrong” he slowly continued.

I looked at him, slowly taking in his perfect hair, his perfect eyes and his lips. His lips. I wondered what it was like kissing them.

I sighed again. I cannot continue to lie to myself.

I am completely in love with Mark Hoppus.

And I cannot shut him out any longer. I need to let him in, just like how he let me in his life.

With that thought, I broke down. Weeks from trying to control my tears explode from my eyes. A pair of arms grabbed me, holding me close. I buried my face into his chest, letting everything spill. He hushed at me, telling me everything will be okay while running his hands through my hair.

“I am sorry Mark, but I amount to nothing. Nothing! My parents hate me, my siblings won’t look me in the eye, I fucking hate school and I have no talent whatsoever! What is the point Mark? What? Nobody fucking cares about me. I am just a little lost boy without anybody to love” I said in between sobs.

“I love you,” he whispered softly.

“Wh .. what? What did you said?”

“I love you, Tom.”

Suddenly, his lips crashed into mine. I gasped, surprised at the sudden contact of his skin against mine. His lips were soft and he kissed me so passionately, so urgently. He tasted like cigarettes and alcohol, but for some reason, I didn’t mind it. I can feel him smiling against my lips. I let out a small moan, completely in bliss with what is going on. I suddenly felt his tongue on my lips, and I let him in. We ferociously explored each other’s mouth, like our lives depended on it. He started kissing my neck, leaving hickeys as he went along. I grabbed his long hair, running my fingers through it. His kisses felt hot against my skin. I hold on to him tightly, refusing to let go. When we finally stopped making out, both of us were out of breath. His eyes were bright and clear and I was instantly reminded of the first time I fell in love with them.

“I know things are fucked up right now, but I want to help you. Fix you. Please let me. I promise you, I will love you. I won’t leave you like what they do to you. I will shower you with love and I hope you will shower me back with love too. And I know it may seem little, but it is enough for me and I hope it is enough for you,” he held my hand while he proclaimed this to me.

“Promise?” I whispered into his ears, afraid to let go of his hands.

“I promise,” he smiled his smile that I love oh so much.

We ended up lying down on his bedroom floor. I was listening to his breathing, matching mine with his.

For the first time in so long, I genuinely smiled.

"Hey Mark, I love you too."

He smiled and pressed his lips against mine.

I finally did it. I finally let him in. I finally told him about my feelings and he finally told me about his.

I don’t think I feel lost any more.


End file.
